A Friend Always Wants to Talk About Herself: Should I Distance Myself?
We've been friends with a woman, who has faced and conquered many challenges, which I admire. But, she has been constantly blindsided in relationships. Her partner left her, and it was a huge shock. A lot of her social circle drifted away then, as they were focused solely on him. This surprised her. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have understood better the meaning of companionship.
Ongoing Issues of Disappearance
In the time since, many close to her vanished and she isn't sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.
Current Dynamics
In recent times, we've both stepped back from work leading to more frequent meetups, yet I realize my role in our friendship feels one-sided. I open subjects and she changes them to what interests her. Regarding political views, she expresses unyielding views. I attempt to propose factchecking or other angles.
She has been organizing a vacation abroad I have traveled to many times and resided in for some time. I attempted to offer insights, but this was unappreciated. She purely solely sought me to confirm her decisions. I've just returned from a month there she hopes to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.
Considering the Choices
I don't want to act as a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she can comprehend the impact of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in pulling back. What's the best step?
Possible Paths
You could end things abruptly, yet this is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. However, addressing it aiming for resolution demands strength and readiness on both your parts.
Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:
"Step one is to state what typically happens when you talk. It should be based on facts like an unbiased account. Step two involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. There should be no disagreement about this. What you feel are your feelings, after all. Finally is to ask ways you together will alter the interaction of your friendship."
Remember that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. An approach that works is telling your friend:
"It's your turn to speak while I will not say anything for half an hour."This can be successful to encourage understanding.
Closing Considerations
This person might reject your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative regarding their experiences they're unable to release as it feels essential is tied to it and it's all familiar to them. It's tough because there's no thoroughfare here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react like this before reflecting your perspective. And even if you never reach a resolution, you'll have closure knowing you were honest with her.